Socialise ... without changing anyone other than yourself

 

These traits tend to be good if someone is socialising to change how people think and what they do.  They are BAD for people who socialise who to develop themselves without changing anyone other than themselves.

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These traits are the result of Jon Thorne's 15 years research into how people socialise on-line in some of the most complex organisations in the world. Jon has seen bad things happen when people use these 5 BAD traits.

1. To be a good leader I must command loyalty

Many leaders, whether at school, business or indeed even at home….. are taught to build their "organisations" with loyal people.  This ensures everyone pulls in the same direction without distraction.  A consequence of this is that leaders exert their authority by isolating ... ignoring or removing people who do not agree with them or who offer alternative ways of thinking.  In children ... this creates gangs. In families this creates submissive family members.  In organisations it creates silos.  People in other groups (even within the same organisation) ... are seen as the enemy.  Knowledge is hoarded or used to gain an edge over other leaders in the same organisation. When something goes wrong the leader demands why no one told them a disaster was about to happen.  The leader blames the very people they demanded to agree with them. People operating on this trait avoid rejection by becoming a leader or being a good follower that keeps their head down ... at home, school, work, their local community.

2. To be liked I have to think like other people ... perform like other people.  I know that the more people following or liking me ... the more liked I feel ... the more successful I feel.

This ensures the winners constantly seek to think like other people or seek to make people think like them.  Winners also seek to perform in and around the average.  Anyone who thinks differently or underperforms or outperforming the leader and their peers is seen as wrong and is given chances to conform or they are removed.  People with the desire to share and debate ... in a way to enhance understanding or develop options different to that agreed by the leader ... are hated ... mistrusted and removed.     

3. I help people in need to see the error of their ways

This ensures that winners deeply believe they are helping people by showing them how to be like themselves.  This ensures winners tell needy people what they must do.  The needy person has to admit they are not as good as the winner.  The needy person has to believe how the winner thinks is what will rescue them.  The needy person has to make a huge leap of faith and if it does not work for the needy person the winner says it is the needy persons fault ... as the winner can’t be wrong.  The needy person is then in an even worse place and can even feel more guilty ... more of a failure.  

4. Make each moment a positive one by making sure I win more ... acquire more ... than my peers.  And when good things happen to other people I use my feeling of failure to drive my need to get more success

This often fuels a competition to be the top dog.  This means people do not help each other ... do not share ideas or leads or techniques or anything.  In fact they can share miss information to send competitors off on another track. 

5. I succeed by following the actions of people who I feel are more successful than me

This ensures people quickly form into groups as each person follows a different successful person.  Then it is in each group's interest to make the other groups fail ... to ensure they made the right decision in joining their particular group.